A Cliché To Live For
by jkdg3461
Summary: ONESHOT. Ron and Hermione wonder why Harry is going out with Draco, and decide to make a list. SLASH of course . Drabbleish.


**EXTENDED A/N:** Oh, the delicious! It makes a nice change to the dark, angsty fics I normally do. Enjoy it, my pretties, and hope that it doesn't rot your teeth. You know, I rather quite like fluffy stuff. I might do more.

Do not fear: this is not the death of the emo!trishaaaJOY that you know and love (I _hope_ you do, anyway). No, it is merely happening because of a little something called RED CORDIAL! When my red cordial runs out, be expecting:

1. Razor blades; _he traces the shining blade down his forearm, marring his porcelain skin with a line of crimson blood as he whispers, "never good enough…"_

2. Unfinished goodbyes; _I'll always love you, but for now… Goodbye…_

3. UST; ah, the truest of evils, especially when Snape is involved…

4. Animal cruelty; alas, Hedwig!?

5. Horrible haircuts; _"Harry! What the bloody hell have you done to your hair!?"_

"_It's so…__ Short!" Ron added, pointing out the bleeding obvious as usual._

"_What?" Harry asked, gently rubbing his head. "That idiot's got hair like this in the fifth movie – why shouldn't I?" _

5. CHARACTER DEATH; who is it this time, Harry or Draco? Eenie, meenie, miney, mo...

You have been warned…

**yousowishyouwerefantabulouslikeDraco**

"No way," Ron said, a frown clouding his freckly face. "You mean –?"

"Yes, Ron," Hermione replied, glancing at the parchment in her hand. "It's got to be."

Ron sighed and took the heavily crossed-out list from her. The title across the top read, _POSSIBLE REASONS WHY HARRY IS GOING OUT WITH MALFOY_.

Ron had argued that they were not going out, and had tried to write '_WHY HARRY IS SHAGGING_ _MALFOY_' at the top. Hermione protested until Ron scribbled it out and wrote the current title down.

He began to revise the list, beginning at an entry just under the title.

----------

_1. __Malfoy is secretly a Veela and Harry is just an unfortunate victim of his charms._

All signs pointed to yes. Malfoy had perfect skin and light blonde hair like a _certain_ Fleur Delacour – perhaps he had turned the charisma way up and ensnared Harry that way?

But, no, after three dusty days in the library researching his vast family tree, they found that all of his ancestors were Pureblooded wizards.

And also that Malfoy's great-great-great-grandfather had invented some very "interesting" spells, and Ron'd had to listen to Hermione blather on and on about them, or, rather, their not-niceness.

Really, you couldn't even blackmail Malfoy with what they'd found. Not unless he was particularly sensitive about great-great-great-grandpa's "thing" for hexes to make your eyes cartoonishly large, so large, in fact, that they fell out of your head, or the spells to make you have an eyebrow (singular, not plural) like Snape's.

----------

_2. Harry is secretly a Veela and __Malfoy is his Mate._

They'd learnt about Veela marriages in Flitwick's class.

Yes, Flitwick was supposed to teach _Charms_, not History of Magic, but this small fact never stopped him from digressing sometimes.

After this particular lesson, they had wondered if maybe _Harry_ could be a Veela, and Malfoy was his Mate – the Veela born to marry him.

But then they'd remembered that Malfoy wasn't a Veela anyway, and that Harry's mother was Muggleborn and his father was a Pureblood. There wasn't even a tiny chance of him being a quarter-Veela.

----------

_3. Love potion._

This, like the previous two, was crossed out. There was no chance of Malfoy making a love potion for Harry (but now, in Ron's eyes, Malfoy was capable of anything), and they doubted that Harry was able to make any sort of complicated potion without exploding it. Also, Hermione had added, love potions are illegal.

According to Hermione, Harry would never do such a thing like make a love potion – but, then again, Ron mused, the Harry they thought they knew was now shagging Malfoy.

----------

_4. They were forced into a marriage bond._

No chance, Ron had said. Harry would've told them if he'd up and married Malfoy, even forcibly.

----------

_5. Imperius!!_

This, again, was ruled out. On the rare occasions that Ron and Hermione did see him, Harry didn't look very strange at all.

But only if you ignored the giant smile on his face, or the way that he sometimes stared off into space. Hermione was pretty sure that wasn't a side effect of Imperius, it just meant that he was in love.

Even so, Ron found it hard to ignore the rivers of drool that sometimes ran down Harry's face whilst he stared off into space – presumably thinking about Malfoy.

----------

_6. He's doing it to make us jealous._

When Hermione had scribbled this down on the sheet, Ron had snorted and said, "Yes, and I'm _so_ jealous. You see, I'd give anything to date Malfoy."

Unfortunately, Dean had overheard this and gone into hysterics. In the end, Snape'd had to give him a Calming Draught. He looked very suspicious, but he could not ignore the fact that Dean had fallen off his chair and turned blue in the face.

Even more unfortunately, when people asked why Dean had collapsed, _he told them_.

This resulted in both Harry and Malfoy looking weirdly at Ron for a few days.

----------

_7. Great sex._

When Hermione had even _mentioned_ the "s-word" aloud before scribbling it on the sheet, Ron had clamped his hands over his ears and chanted, "See no evil; speak no evil; hear no evil."

But there was no denying that this could be an option. However, short of asking Harry if Malfoy was a great shag, they couldn't very well find out. So, they crossed it out anyway.

----------

_8. They… They love each other_

Their last remaining hope. It was the only entry on the list that hadn't been crossed out.

----------

"This is bloody great," Ron muttered, screwing the parchment into a ball and throwing it into the common room fire.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" Harry said dreamily as he sailed through the Portrait hole. Ron sighed and buried his head in his hands.

**yousowishyouwerefantabulouslikeHarry**

Did anybody notice that the list I put in my first A/N had two 'fives' in it?

Snaps and choc chip cookies to you if you did.

Love.


End file.
